i wanna fight to get it back again

i'm exhausted as usual. as much as i enjoy Fridays, Friday nights are pretty much a write-off.

last night my mom watched the kids while Jay and I went out for dinner. we just went to Jack Astor's. mostly because i had a craving for their garlic bread. seriously, is there anything better than soft white doughy garlic bread? ok well there are some things that are just as good but its up there for sure.

then i had a burger and you know what, it was just as good if not better than the ones at The Works.

mmm....burger...

ok, enough about food its making me hungry.

tomorrow is of course Halloween and i have yet to create or buy Nate's costume (so much for my one woman revolution). to be honest, i'm just not feeling it. out of all of the "holidays" during the year Halloween is probably my least fave. i used to love pumpkin carving but honestly, now that i have the kids and have to do it, it seems like more of a chore. i think i'll use the drill.

to top it off, its supposed to rain...

we still haven't got our H1N1 flu shots. mostly because apparently we live in the worst run city on the planet. there is currently a 4 hour wait time. can you imagine waiting in a line - outdoors with a one year old and a three year old for 4 freaking hours. yeah, neither can it because seriously, just thinking about it makes my brain bleed.

actually, its not just the city's fault. if the media didn't keep raising the panic level by incessantly talking about it and reporting every time someone dies it might not be so bad. People die from regular influenza every year but you don't hear about that. i bet if you did a survey, half of the people getting the H1N1 shot didn't get a regular shot last year.

in any event, i'm not suggesting H1N1 is not serious, influenza of any type is serious which is why i get my regular shot every year and do intend to get the H1N1 shot as well...eventually. but seriously people, chill out already and let the target groups have their turn. and why the officials continue to let these non-target people through is beyond me...

Ally, thanks for posting!

when i get what i want, i never want it again

Mags actually slept through the entire night last night. i assume that God realized i was at the end of my rope. i didn't even wake up to pee and i had 2 glasses of wine before bed (no, not alone). it was beyond fantastic.

i still don't know what to do about Nate's costume for Halloween. i was going to try to do the wolf suit Max wears in Where the Wild Things Are but i can't sew. so now i'm thinking i'll create a robot costume out of a Pampers box and tin foil. i know i could just buy him something but i'm staging a one person revolution. i never had a store-bought costume growing up and neither did anyone i knew. what ever happened to creativity? originality?

ok, so its partly because i'm cheap but still... not to mention most costumes kind of suck and he doesn't know who a "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle" or "Spider-Man" are. he likes robots and "diggers" and i think a robot will be easier than trying to turn him into a bulldozer or back-hoe.

thankfully he's not a girl because all they get at the store are princess costumes or the "sexy" version of a nurse, witch, school teacher, police woman...you name it. ok, thats mostly the adult costumes but some of the kids ones are pretty sketch too.

i am seriously starting to wish that time machines were real because i really don't like the direction in which this world is headed. back to basics people. has this recession taught you nothing?

when its real, you know that its real

i don't think a day goes by when i don't get completely horrified by what is happening to the world around us.

some examples: the balloon boy hoax, jon and kate plus 8, the pics of Miley Cyrus' younger sister Noah on laineygossip.com today, the 15 year old swearing like a trucker talking far too loudly on her cell phone on the bus the other night

it all makes me want to take my family and hide out in a cabin in the woods.

of course, i type this while watching Gossip Girl of all things.

well save all, all of your light for those who can't sleep at night

its a good thing that i love Mags as much as i do because i haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row for the past two nights.

she was up about every 45 min in Deacon on Sat night and last night she woke up 3 times including one lengthy 20 minute toss and turn while we made yet another pathetic attempt at co-sleeping. Finally, after that cuddle she went back into her crib and i slept soundly from 2:19 until 5:29 - ok, I guess that makes for 3 hours and 10 minutes.

i'm freakin exhausted. seriously, caring for a newborn is not this tiring and i can say that confidently from experience. i guess partly because at least when you have a newborn you generally don't have to get up and go to work.

ok - enough complaining. Nate had a blast in Deacon going for "bush walks" with mom. he's quite the little trooper. Mom was very impressed with his pace and endurance. so, i guess a three year old has much the same stamina as an almost 60 yr old arthritic woman :)

well, i better go finish getting ready for work though if i had some sick days left i'd be very very tempted right now...

well i know you are waiting and i know that it isn't for me

woke up feeling ok - braved going into work and quickly crashed.

fortunately Jay, aka the best husband ever, came and picked me up at lunch so i wouldn't have to take home the bus in the rain.

my first class is done, not sure of my final mark yet but i got 18/20 on my last board and i think about 22/25 on the final exam so over all, not too bad. i've got two weeks before my home staging class begins.

i'm currently watching House Hunters. the couple is looking at 1920's Craftsman style bungalows and i'm jealous...

ok, its tea time.

oh Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in, are you aware? the shape I'm in

yesterday i noticed i was getting a little stuffed up. by the time i got out of class last night, my eyes were burning, my nose was blocked and my head started to hurt.

on the way home from class i stopped and got some cold medicine.

this morning i woke up feeling like i got hit by a truck. i didn't even debate going to work.

i slept most of today - managed to make supper and now i'm curled up on the couch.

Jay has been sick too but he's at the tail end so he's been helping with the kids.

ok - back to bed i think.

i'm the wolves at the door, that you're not supposed to let in

what a great day so far.

beautiful sunshine, not a cloud in the sky, a hint of a breeze and a temp that is towing the line between crisp and warm. got a healthy dose of vitamin d while hanging with the kids in the back yard this morning.

last night i got my last board done for class on Tuesday. just have to study for my "exam" now. i use the term loosely because its only worth 10% and is multiple choice/true and false.

i also made home made butternut squash/cream of cauliflower soup last night. from scratch. it was really good.

i also made broccoli coleslaw with, well, broccoli of course! red onion, and raisins mixed with a little mayo. so simple but so good and here's the kicker - Nate could not get enough of it. who knew.

him not being allergic to eggs has opened up a world of goodness i forgot i was missing - like this morning's french toast and the aforementioned coleslaw.

going to try a Rachel Ray recipe tonight - i actually bought her magazine - its actually got lots of good sounding simple stuff in it. who knew, because i can't stand her tv show.

ok, Nate calls...

i can't make you love me and you can't make me stay

trying to remain positive but sometimes life just kind of sucks balls

the pity pot is pretty darn comfy right now

all the other girls are stars, you are the northern lights

i'm tired and crabby and not enjoying work today.

my throat was sore last night but seems ok now. hope so, all of my immediate colleagues have had a cold/flu in varying degrees of severity.

Mags had her one year check up today. 90th percentile for height and 80th for weight which means she is no longer considered "overweight". seems kind of ridiculous to be discussing that at this stage.

she took her first step on Thanksgiving Monday. just one, from the couch towards Jay.

got 20 out of 20 on my second major assignment. next week is my last class for this round. went by very quickly. my home staging course starts in a couple of weeks. still debating on whether or not to take an additional class in January.

the kids slept through the night last night - or i think they did anyway. Jay didn't get home from Montreal until about 2:00 so its possible that he had to deal with them.

well, back to the grind i suppose.

can't think of a song with "thankful" in it

back from Deacon. i wish i could say i had a great weekend but i didn't.

Jay was in a bad mood, i was in a bad mood, it was VERY busy with Mag's b-day, Leyna's shower and of course Thanksgiving dinner.

to add insult to injury not 1 minute into our annual walk one of the dogs (Matt & Carly's) knocked Nate over and of course his face had to smash onto a rock so he has a gash in the middle of his forehead, a giant fat lip and some minor abrasions on his upper lip and nose.

fortunately, this did not require a trip to the hospital though i do think he's going to end up with a scar.

it is always nice to see family, i actually really enjoy my extended family but it was just too much for me to handle.

despite all of this. i can count my blessings. i am very very thankful and i know this little storm cloud will pass.

hope everyone else had a great weekend, hopefully a little less drama filled!

life at best is very brief

today, the first email at work that i read was from one of our IP articling students. it was a thank-you for all of the well wishes he has received in light of the sudden passing of his one week old daughter.

in it was an invitation for us to attend the funeral with the following wording, i'm paraphrasing slightly because i don't have it in front of me:

"though the occasion is sad, the service will be a celebration of the joy she brought to us in her short time here"

my heart broke but at the same time i was so struck by how thankful he seemed for the short time he had with her.

it has also made me realize just how important it is for me to spend as much time with my children as possible. how important it is for me/us to work towards our goal of me staying at home.

it has made me realize how blessed i am to have two beautiful healthy children.

it has made me realize that life at best is very brief.

Sean and Karrolyn i will pray in earnest for you.

Van HELDEN, Hope Thérèse
Hope Thérèse Van Helden, beloved daughter of Karrolyn and Sean Van Helden, was born and called to the Lord on October 1, 2009. She is the answer to our prayers, and we waited for her with joyful expectation. During her brief visit, she enjoyed being read to, listening to music, and kicking vigorously. The Funeral Mass will be celebrated at Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church, 194 Fourth Avenue, Ottawa, on Saturday, October 10th at 11 am, followed by a reception, with Committal at Beechwood Cemetery.

she give me money, when i'm in need

Linds and Shane came over tonight and we played Settlers (a board game) so fun. now its Glee time.

Jay just went to get me chips.

i have the best husband.

oh and chivalry is not dead, well not quite... a man on the bus actually got up and gave me his seat tonight.

good day.

kiss a frog and then dissect, gotta find out whats inside

didn't mean to scare everyone (i use the term everyone liberally!) with yesterday's post. it was meant to sound hopeful not dire.

a few things, namely, baby number 3 are being put on hold until we figure some stuff out.

thats all. i was just tremendously disappointed at first. heartbroken over the decision in fact but i've come to terms with it. i think its just a little reminder that its not my plan alone. and sometimes you just need to take a step back.

today's a new day. today's a good day, i say at 6:20am after being up no less than 4 times last night!

cheers

you are too beautiful to be in bed with me

sometimes life doesn't unfold exactly how you thought it would. sometimes there are detours that we must take enroute to our ultimate destination.

i have just been detoured. i am ok with this. i WILL NOT let it get me down. i will embrace the lessons and opportunities it brings. i will see what i may have missed had i stayed on the highway.

i will stop and look at all that i have and be THANKFUL because it is enough, it is MORE than enough.

i am confident and FULL of HOPE because i KNOW that God will NEVER let me down. i know that WE WILL emerge from this stronger and better for having gone through it.

til the street filled like a basin up with cameras and their crews

day 4 of the sinus headache that refuses to go away. bought actual sinus medication. took night time pills last night and slept right through Mag's nightly bottle request (aka screaming). fortunately, Jay gave her her fix. note to self - do not take two tonight.

work is busy, and frustrating because i have multiple stalled projects...

to make matters worse, it feels as though my kids now prefer daycare over home. it makes me die a little on the inside every day i drop them off. they barely register when i pick them up at night :( yep, i just used a frowny face.

alas, all is not glum. TMI ALERT - i am having my IUD removed on October 21st. normally it takes about 3 months to get back on cycle again etc. but, if everything goes according to "Plan" we'll be preggers in December/January. of course, i am also trying to prepare myself if that doesn't happen because like it or not, i am not the one who is ultimately in control ;)

Jay started taking drum lessons today. long overdue. not the drum lessons themselves but that he is doing something just for him. i realize that his wants and needs are often overshadowed by my own and the kids. only two more days and he's a Corporal (if thats how you spell it) though who knows how long it will take until he gets his "official" recognition aka, a big fat raise.

i was going to walk down to Wallacks to pick up a Portfolio but then i have to haul it home on the bus. perhaps i'll just take a drive into Bells Corners tonight to get one...