i'm capsized, erring on the edge of safe

wow, just learned that 9 people were let go from our department today. 4 associates and 5 staff members.

tomorrow is going to be weird. my group has its Christmas luncheon. not exactly a great lead in...

i'm sure it had to be done. most other firms laid off people a long time ago. just weird, in my almost 12 years there, no one has ever been "laid off" before.

well, back to MNF - a welcome distraction. go Saints.

oh the weather outside is frightful

well no not really, its just raining but that does pose a problem for my plan of getting the rest of the Christmas lights up outside.

but i got all of the groceries done this am including a few supplies for our Christmas Party next weekend. and, the basement is mostly back into order aside from some odds and ends. Jay vacuumed the whole house for me yesterday which was nice.

so now i'm eating a bagel and watching Band of Brothers which is not exactly helping me get in the Christmas spirit!

oh well! time to bring the tree up.

destination anywhere but here

today i cancelled my IUD removal that i had already postponed in October. this time i didn't bother re-booking.

its funny because it really depressed me. for the last little while i've been thinking about all of the positives of not having another baby. less daycare costs. we'll be able to start to do more things as the kids get older etc. and just trying to be very thankful for the healthy happy (mostly ;) family we have right now.

we even sold some of the extraneous baby gear.

i was actually excited about the possibility of being "done" and then i cancelled the appointment and it hit me like a ton of bricks. maybe this is it, maybe we are "done" and my heart felt a little empty.

in any event, its not like i'm having my tubes tied. we can still change our minds. i just have a feeling that the longer we take the harder it will be (for a multitude of reasons, age being one!).

probably not helping my mood is my reading of Generation Kill right now (a non-fiction about a group of Marines in Iraq by an embedded reporter). great book but lets face it war isn't exactly happy especially when its an actual account.

i think my next book needs to be a good trashy mystery novel. Kathy Reichs has a new one i haven't read yet.

i know you feel it too, it all seems so untrue

i'm loving Tegan and Sara lately. not usually one for female bands/singers but they're so catchy.

busy work week.

trying to figure out what to do. when i went back to work i did not want to be there. i was convinced that i was going to put in my year and thats it. have another baby. stay home. things aren't so clear anymore. pretty darn fuzzy in fact.

i may have opportunity at work to move forward in my career a bit (mostly in title). i'm conflicted about it. on the one hand i think i should go for it but on the other hand it makes me feel like a failure for not following through with my plan of not working.

in any event - i have to put a business proposal together first so i guess i'll do that and see what happens.

i know God has a plan and a path for me.

we'll see where this leads.

this is our inheritance

we all know the world is going "to Hell in a handbasket".

we see the news. we know what evil humans are capbable of, we can watch genocides unfold before our eyes on CNN.

our collective obsession with celebrity seems innocent by comparison but the following excerpt (an email written to Lainey of laineygossip.com) has chilled me to the bone more than anything on the news lately. because if this is what people are worried about the future of our planet is grim indeed.

Re: Johnny Depp being voted People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive over Robert Pattinson of Twilight fame.


"Lainey, I just don’t know what I’m going to tell my daughter when she comes home from school today. Lauren is in grade 10 and we both love RPattz. I have been online all morning trying to sort through this mess. How could this happen? How could People Mag make such a mistake? I am devastated and so will Lauren. We both expected to celebrate with Rob today and now it just feels like a death in the family. I can’t wait for the New Moon show on Friday. We have tickets for two shows back to back. Hopefully that will take the sting away. Thanks for listening. From Ashley R"

seriously, this is from a mother. a mother! no wonder gen y'ers are pegged as the most shallow consumerist selfish individuals in history.

and yes, i do note the irony that i got this little tidbit from a hollywood gossip website...

choke my chicken until the sun goes down

yeah, i know but Lyle Lovett sang a big-band style song that repeated this line over and over again and i kept thinking does the mostly over 50 crowd get what he's talking about? because I couldn't stop giggling but no one else seemed overly concerned. it was a little mortifying when i had to explain the expression to my mother.

yes, i went to Lyle Lovett with my mother because she didn't have anyone else to go with. i'll admit i enjoyed it. he and his band are certainly talented and he was rather entertaining but seriously, i was most definitely the youngest person there by a good 10 years. lots of grey hair.

weekend is almost over - just waiting on Faith to kick off the night. i'll try and make it through the first quarter but i have my doubts.

its the end of the world as we know it

i took today off. no sleeping in but i did spend a leisurely morning shopping at Walmart, Dollarama and the grocery store.

got one more Christmas present off my list (Mags), some decorations, outdoor lights which will hopefully go up on Sunday and of course, groceries.

while i was gone, Jay who was also off did some cleaning. at lunch we went to the movies and saw 2012. don't ask, i wanted to see An Education but Jay asked if there were any explosions in it and i had to relent. at least it had John Cusack...

Mom comes down tomorrow, she's brining Dad's compressor so Jay can tack the baseboards done. can't wait until its all done because the kids are missing the playroom. oh and Alison, its beige - boring and safe and neutral but it looks good. it wasn't supposed to be beige but Jay accidentally bought indoor paint for the garage door and of course once tinted you can't take it back and so, the basement is the same colour as our garage door.

ok - its not even 7:30 and i'm exhausted...

but i'm too weak to be your cure

been incredibly tired the past couple nights and have been hitting the hay early - thus no blogging time. i know all three (sometimes 4) of you anxiously await my posts ;)

went down to the War Memorial for the Remembrance Day ceremonies. super packed - a nice sunny day always brings out the crowds plus we had Charles and Camilla. i'm always floored by how silent such a large crowd can be. as always, i started tearing up during the Last Post, almost lost it during the bag pipes and then finally gave up during the fly-by, that missing plane always gets me.

i think i was a little extra emotional having just read Three Day Road which is in large part about WW I. (btw Pen, terrific book - could not put it down. looking forward to Through Black Spruce).

and now i'm back at work and it's like any other day.

life goes on as they say.

i'm worth a million in prizes

a good if not incredibly ordinary day. up early did the groceries first thing. did some tidying. made Nate some play dough.

Jay almost finished cutting the baseboards for the basement which looks awesome. who knew what a fresh coat of non-yellow paint and some baseboards could do. if only we could do the ceiling...eventually...

after Jay went to work i managed to get Mags down too and had an hour and a bit to myself. i put the first coat of stain on the IKEA microwave cart which i intend to transform into a chic bar cart. why i'm not sure since we don't really drink but hey, it will look good.

currently watching some football - getting ready to crack open my book which i had a hard time putting down last night and therefore didn't get to bed until after 10:30 which may not sound bad especially on a Friday night but when Mags generally wakes up at 5:00ish it doesn't leave much sleep time.

also enjoying a glass of my $7.45 Shiraz from Argentina that is actually really good. Thanks for the Fuzion recommendation Jo!

and i think that i could dance if i tried with your radio on

enjoying some quiet. Jay is at the Sens game for CF appreciation night and the kids are in bed.

i've been struggling with the blog a bit lately. using my pen and paper journal more often. just seems a little more appropriate of late.

work is ok, struggling with the motivation a little. i just sort of feel like everything is in limbo. i'm unfocused and scattered and distracted. ok, so the halloween candy sugar high has not been helping matters.

Jay is working this weekend. i may try and hook up with my friend Tara from playgroup. we haven't seen each other since August and it would be nice to get the kids together again.

I booked our hotel room and my make up session for the BLG Christmas Party today. Jay and I have decided to make a real night of it and enjoy ourselves sans kids because we so rarely get to spend quality time together that just involves the two of us.

We're staying at Hotel Indigo. Its just a chain but done in a boutique style.

I'm having my make-up done at MAC again. I'm thinking of doing a smoky eye in blue (deep, like navy with silver highlight maybe?) i have to find my fake eyelashes...

I just noticed that I'm actually using capitals. Must be the work influence. Don't expect my grammar or punctuation to improve much. Most of our letters are auto-generated so I don't have to think about it :)

ok - well i think i may go and read. i bought Joseph Boyden's Three Day Road today.

i hear you're lookin real fine tonight

i should be in my home staging class right now. but i'm not. i'm so tired i'm on the edge of burning out in spectacular fashion. plus, we're getting close to a really busy time at work not to mention getting ready for the holidays etc.

so, i'm going to drop it and re-group after Christmas.

i did get an A+ in my Decor class though so that's cool.

ok, time to try the pumpkin seeds i roasted for Jay.